why did it happen?
where did i go wrong?
what could i have done differently?
if ONLY i would have done this...
if ONLY i didn't do that
if i had just stayed home that day...this wouldn't have happened....
the memory of a cross road...two options...a specific road taken...a moment where it could have gone either way....
this is my fear....a decision that has irreversible irreparable consequences...a decision i could have made differently....this is where i blame me
but what if i DIDN'T make some wrong decision, not that i can see or remember...what about the decision of ANOTHER...A MASS MURDERER???
where was GOD in that? we know where the devil was...but where was GOD???!!!
"why did it happen?" we ask. we want to MAKE SENSE of the evil.
but it is written,
"The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.'"
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline."
- In the movie "Batman Begins," the fictitious character Henri Ducard said, "The criminal is not complicated."
- Martial Analyst Marc Mac Young defines a criminal as an EXTREMELY selfish person who is willing to use violence to get what he or she wants.
- C.S. Lewis describes evil incarnate in a most remarkable way:
[From "Perelandra", ch.9]
what i see and understand of evil, from these words and thoughts, and from my own experiences of evil, is this: BY DEFINITION, EVIL WILL NEVER "MAKE SENSE." In fact, it is the very definition of senselessness and meaninglessness!! This doesn't mean there is no "reason" or cause and effect relationships or whatever...it just means that even when we find out the "reasons," they will not satisfy because they cannot satisfy. In other words, there is no line of reasoning behind the Aurora murders that will cause a sane person to say, "Oh, NOW I understand. That makes PERFECT SENSE..." When will it make perfect sense to lose a loved one to a random act of cruelty?! Whether we blame a psychological state, an upbringing, or a demon, we will NEVER accept what happened in Aurora as something that makes sense!
I will even go so far as to say that we shouldn't accept it as something that was SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! It makes me very angry when someone tries to make situations like this one a "life lesson," like my children or anyone else's children should die or suffer so I can learn a lesson from it!
When George Zimmerman made comments concerning Trayvon Martin's killing being a "part of God's plan," Martin's mother rightly resisted these words. I knew the moment those words came from Zimmerman's mouth (because I watched the interview where he invokes "God's plan) that he was completely wrong!
What I'm fighting against is the American tendency, even in the church, to stifle emotion, or at least negative emotion, connected to sadness or grief. I remember a woman asking me if she was being weak for feeling sad about her brother's death. I was appalled! I told her "Of course not! It is not weakness to mourn in grief or anger for your brother!"
Evil is insanity, senseless meaningless purposeless uselessness!!! It is DEVIATION from God's plan!
IT IS NEVER God's plan!!!
I'm not focusing on all the theological/philosophical issues of sovereignty and freewill, because I wouldn't be focused on these if, God forbid, I lost one of my children. (I hated to even write that part of the sentence.)
Whether dealing with the devil or people, there is no "reason" for evil, no "reason" to evil. It is not supposed to happen! Our world is not supposed to be like this!!!
(My friend and brother, James-Michael Smith, inspired me to write these words after reading his article on the evil that took place in Aurora. His words impacted me powerfully. Read them and be impacted as well.)
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