I mean something to God

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in Him would not perish, but have eternal life.

Now this is eternal life:  That they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you sent.

As I drove home from the grocery store, I thought and prayed about the eternal difference I really make in people’s lives.  I thought about this in relationship to powerful words from a powerful song in Les Miserables:

Who cares about your lonely soul?
We strive toward a larger goal
Our little lives don't count at all!

I thought of my lonely soul, the eternal goal, and my little life.

At first I thought of my children and wife, those with whom I’ve shared the good news, and my impact in general.  But then I heard the Spirit focus me on me, on my own life, birth, rebirth, relationship with God.

I am eternal.

I am immortal.

Jesus died for me. 

FOR Me. 

I am worth His blood.  His Life.  His Spirit.

God gave me His Son and His Spirit so that I would be one with Him forever.

Intimate with Him forever.

I thought of the purpose or meaning of my marriage, and compared it to my intimacy with God.

The relationship itself is the purpose!

The inherent goodness of being intimate with her for the rest of my life.

Of course, we both agree to a higher purpose, and realize this purpose is bigger than both of us.

But we simply want to be together because we love and like each other.  We never want to be apart from each other.

This is true of God for me. 

I am significant to God eternally.  If nothing else is true, this is.

I mean something to God

Very much so. 

At times I’ve felt rejected.  Not sought after or valued.  As if my absence made no difference. 

But it does. 

To God. 

I am the lost sheep Jesus left 99 to find.  The lost coin worth a party.  The one angels sang for.  The prodigal son. 

I am worth God’s time and eternity.  He made my body to live in me. 

So if no one else pursues me, loves me, or likes me…

I

am

God’s.

And

He

is

mine.

I mean something to God.

And God means everything to me.

The Powers behind DECEPTION and TEMPTATION (Part 1)

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.  James 1:13-15 NIV

 

The power behind deception is imagination.

The power behind temptation is emotion.

American Christians think spiritual warfare is primarily about the intellect.  Information.  Logic.  Reason.

But think about it.

What convinces you to believe or do anything?

Emotion!

Passion!

Of course, the emotion must be founded on convincing truth (or a convincing lie believed to be true), but what moves people is an intense emotion aroused in the imagination.  When we are deceived, we believe what we IMAGINE!  We believe our PASSION!

When we are tempted, the challenge is to resist believing that what we are imagining or feeling is true.  Because if we know anything, we know what we are feeling.  We know that what we imagine, if it happened, it would either be wonderful or terrible.

Therefore, in every deception and temptation, if they are effective, they trigger intense emotions in our imaginations. 

Movies that move us do so in these very ways.  So do books, blogs, texts, or people!

Because of this, we should shift our focus in resisting Satan and demons in this way:

We should not just focus on truth intellectually, but the Spirit’s power behind the truth that He reveals to us.  We should seek the Spirit’s conviction behind the revelation.  And we should seek to live and speak in such a way as to bring deep conviction to conscience, compelling pictures to the imagination, and deep passion for God in the emotions, bringing motivation to God centered actions!

Being needed

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  Genesis 2:18  NIV

Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. 
1 Corinthians 11:11-12

I've always wanted to feel needed.
Desired.
Craved.

Like someone really wanted, needed, and desired to be with me, so much so that my absence made a very real difference.  Like this person couldn't or wouldn't live without me.  

In America, we're often encouraged not to feel this way.  Be independent.  Be complete and whole on your own.  In fact, two should come into a relationship with NO NEED FOR EACH OTHER AT ALL!  They should have such "high self-esteem" and independence that the other person, whether friend or spouse, is just a nice addition to someone's life.  But not by any means necessary or significant! 

At least this applies to relationships with any kind of depth or commitment.  Girls can hang out all night long, laughing and giggling and patting each other on the butt.  Boys can go out drinking.  This group of girls and boys can completely ignore each other, until...they can't!  One in the group usually gives in.  One usually caves in and admits what God said from the beginning.

He admits that it is really not good for him to be alone.  She admits that she is not independent of a man.  That she does NEED a man!

Need.

Loneliness is considered weakness.  We either should be very content in our own company, or in shallow company.  Yet the shallow company betrays the truth:  We need relationships to feel alive.

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."  Proverbs 17:17

It is not wrong to need to be needed.  God Himself saw that Adam needed Eve.  And by definition, Eve needed Adam.  She would not have come into existence without God taking one of Adam's ribs. 

The first man and first woman mutually needed each other. 

Adam had GOD. 

Why would God say it was not good for him to be alone then?  The answer shows the foolishness of people saying we should be content with God alone.  God Himself disagrees with this.  Of course, no one can be God to us.  But I reverently say that God "couldn't be" to Adam what He made Eve to be:  a creature equal to Adam, like Adam.  Adam was like God, but God was not like Adam. 

Eve's significance came from this very thing:  She was the ONLY ONE who could be Adam's complimentary companion.  And Adam was the ONLY ONE from whom Eve could come into existence. 

All of my life I've searched for the one I needed, and the one who needed me. 
I found her.  She found me.  We need each other mutually. 
Without her, on earth, I am alone and lonely.  This is the blessing of family.

For those who are not yet married and who want to be, God understands and honors the fact that you feel lonely.  He is the very first person to honor this aloneness.  He will meet this need and bring you someone who needs you.

The Key to Every RELATIONSHIP

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?  Amos 3:3

The key to every relationship is commitment.  Mutual agreement.  Agreeing to at least be in the same place at the same time for the same reason.  Walking in scripture is a picture of life together.  Literally walking together assumes the two walking together:

1. Know each other.
2. Agree to meet at a specific location
3. At a specific time
4. For a specific reason
5. To go to a specific destination.

Whether work associates, friends, best friends, or spouses, these five things apply.

I've learned this because of how attached I am to those I love. 
I first learned it with a close friend of mine.

I never knew when or if I would see him, and this bothered me.  So I told him.  I wanted us to commit to a specific day and time that belonged to us.  During that time, we belonged to each other, giving each other our undivided attention.  We've kept that commitment for 13 years now. 

I realized that my desire for marriage matched my desire for salvation.  I found out that believing in Jesus gave me a guarantee of heaven, of eternal life, defined by Jesus as intimate knowledge of God the Father and God the Son.  So what I wanted was a guarantee of constant intimacy.  Only God could give this to me.

Yet on earth I also wanted a guarantee of intimacy.  Only my wife could give this to me.  We agree to walk together until death or the Lord's return separates us.

I feel insecure when I feel connected or attached to someone without a mutual commitment.  I'm sure you do to, at least with those you really care about.  How can you know you will see and connect with your loved one unless your lives are orchestrated so that you have a guarantee of intimacy? 

How can you both walk together unless you agree?

Do Americans believe Jesus? (Conclusion)

I "went to church" my whole childhood and NEVER ONCE heard the gospel. 
I was never told the good news, or what I needed to do to experience it.

I heard sermons I did not understand and sang songs I didn't like.
But no one proclaimed to me what the Lord Jesus proclaimed in His day.

But one day, as I sat in a Bible Study, at the age of 17, for the first time, I heard these words:

"Did you know that by believing in Jesus, you have a guarantee of heaven?"

I experienced what people mean then they say "a light bulb lit in their heads."
This was literally a revelation to me!  A real epiphany!

I asked my mother and another pastor if it was true.  I read the Bible to see if it was true. It was really good news to me!  And I wanted to literally tell everybody!  I wanted to open the phone book and tell everybody how easy it was to go to heaven!  I didn't even know I had this desire for a guarantee of heaven.  But I knew that nothing could be better than this guarantee.

Yet I still struggled with sinning, with a particular sin that I could not overcome.  One night I gave in to this sin, and it devastated me to the point of wanting to commit suicide. 

(I wanted to remain a virgin.  I did, but barely.  And this fear of losing my virginity led me to want death.  For me, virginity meant never repeating my families history of broken marriages.  For me, marriage was the only hope of never being lonely. When I thought I would lose my virginity inevitably, it devastated me.  This was the sin I struggled with, the particular sin I thought I could not overcome.) 

For no reason I can think of, on this night when I felt like dying, out of the blue, I said these words, "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that He died for my sins."

I felt peace cover me like a blanket.
I no longer wanted to die.

But I still hadn't heard the good news that Jesus proclaimed, the good news about the kingdom of God. 

I had not been told to repent.
I had been told to believe.

Though peace covered me like a blanket, and though I felt a new life, eternal life, I did not know I needed to repent, to turn from my self centered assumptions.  Even my desire to remain a virgin was self-centered.  I didn't seek this for God's honor, nor the honor of my future wife.  I wanted the intensity of marital intimacy, expressed and experienced in sexuality.  I was alone and lonely.  I wanted my wife to be to me what I didn't believe God could be:  A constant companion, giving constant affection, in constant connection.

Now that I am happily married, I know that marriage was and is the answer to my desire for lifelong companionship on earth.  But my wife is not the Holy Spirit, who is in me constantly.  Nor is the good news of God's kingdom my marriage to her.

This is the good news:
I am free from the tyranny of living selfishly!
I am free from ME!
Free to live for God and not me!

I have a purpose that negates self-centeredness, the TRUE AND REAL SOURCE OF UNHAPPINESS!

But I did, finally, have to repent. 

One day, when my first marriage ended, when my first wife forsook me and divorced me, which was THE worst thing that could have happened to me, I came to the end of myself.  I was nothing and had nothing, because everything I was and had was summed up in my desire to be married.

So I yielded control of my life to God's Spirit.
I repented. 
I changed my outlook on life. 
I no longer lived for myself, but for God, and decided I would literally follow the Spirit wherever He led. 
My life was never the same.

I repented.  I changed my mind, assumptions, and actions. 
I believed the good news:  That the Kingdom of God had come, because the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ has come.

But if it is by the Spirit of God that I drive out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you.  Matthew 12:28

Do Americans believe Jesus? (Part 3)

After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. “The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!” 

Mark 1:14-15

For an American to become a Christian, a true follower of Christ, we must repent and believe the good news. 

We must change our minds, assumptions, and actions.  We must change our lives, and how we define life. 

We focus on, assume, and strive for “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”  OUR HAPPINESS.

In fact, OUR HAPPINESS is viewed as a God given right!  As though God OWES us happiness.

This is no different from the Jewish assumption in Jesus’ day.

Our government, “of the people, by the people, and for the people,” assumes the sovereignty of the people.  We are self ruled.  The people are the emperor.  We are our own gods.  We no longer want to be one nation, under God.  (Perhaps we never have really wanted this.)  We are no different from the Romans.

We do not believe the good news.

We believe in democracy.

We believe in capitalism.

We believe in ourselves.

We must repent.

Jesus is Lord.

Do Americans believe Jesus? (Part 2)

After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. “The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!” 

Mark 1:14-15

What does it mean to repent?

What does it mean to believe?

The Jews and Romans held certain assumptions. 

The Jews, the descendents of Abraham, waited for the Messiah, the anointed, or divinely appointed, King of God’s people.  This was promised to them in their scriptures, and according to a prophet named Daniel, the time had indeed come.  But they expected a conqueror of Rome who would subdue Rome, and the world, under the rule of God’s people—the Jews.

They needed to change their minds, their basic assumptions and expectations. 

They needed to repent.  

They needed to deny their self centered self exalting desires, desires they assumed the Messiah would be born to fulfill, as though He existed for them, and not them for Him. 

They needed to repent.  To change their minds, assumptions, and actions.

The Romans worshipped their Caesar, their emperor, as though he was a god. 

They needed to repent:  To stop worshipping a false god and worship the true and living God.

The Jews and Romans needed to place their trust and confidence in Jesus and what He proclaimed:

The time has come.  The kingdom of God has come near.

Both knew this was true by the power Jesus displayed in words and miraculous actions.  That this man was not merely a man.  They had reason, good reason, to trust in Him as King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  To accept His kingdom as the true Kingdom.

But what about us as Americans?

How do we repent?

What do we believe?

Do Americans believe Jesus? (Part 1)

After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. “The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!” 

Mark 1:14-15

What was, and is, the good news Jesus proclaimed?

This is the good news:

The time has come.  The kingdom of God has come near.

No more waiting.

No more human programs doomed to failure.

God’s government, ruled by God’s Governor, was (and is) established on earth.

God’s King, and thus God’s kingdom, had come. 

The long awaited King of God’s people and of all people.

We think in terms of democracy and presidents.  By this thinking , we assume the best way to live on earth, the best way to experience liberty, is by governments of the people, by the people, and for the people.  In Jesus’ day, the Roman Empire assumed the way of Rome was light to the world, that the Emperor was Lord, that the good news was the declaration of Roman victory.  But neither Roman Victory nor democracy bring true liberty.  Jesus alone is the liberator.  The King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  His government is eternal, not a four to eight year period, not taken by force.  To experience the goodness of His Kingdom, two things are necessary:

Repent.

Believe.

Know God's Purpose TODAY! (PART 3)

Think about this.

Think about when you feel pressured to act.

Think about when you feel “out of time,” like you are “running out of time.” 

Running out of time!

Does time really run out?!

Does the clock really stop ticking!?

The word of God makes it clear: 

To EVERYTHING there is a season, and a TIME for every PURPOSE under heaven.

So, if you consistently feel pressed for time, as though there is not enough time in the day, then what you are attempting IS NOT GOD’S PURPOSE!

Take God Himself as an example.  Look at how and what God creates on the six days of creation:

Day 1:  God creates light, dividing light from darkness, calling light “Day,” and darkness, “Night.”  Then there was evening and morning, THE FIRST DAY.

Day 2:  Sky

Day 3:  Land and Seas divided.  Grass, herbs, and fruit trees come forth.

Day 4:  Sun, moon, stars.

Day 5:  Fish of the sea, birds of the air.

Day 6:  Animals of land and man

Day 7:  God RESTS!

Now, God divided His creativity up into very small chunks of activity and time, from what I can see.  He definitely didn’t seem rushed, or like He just didn’t have "enough hours in the day" to create light, or anything else.  God was not and is not frantic.  So why are we, those made in His image? 

Why do we try to achieve more than 24 hours will allow?

Do we think we can accomplish more in ONE DAY than God Himself accomplished in creation!?

Not according to His purposes.

Every God given purpose has a clear time, a definite beginning and end.

In other words, THERE IS ENOUGH TIME TO ACCOMPLISH A GOD GIVEN PURPOSE!

Use this to determine if your present activities, and uses of time, match what the word of God says about His purpose in relationship to time.

Click here to read Part 4...

Know God's Purpose TODAY (PART 2)

Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.  The Apostle Paul to the church in Corinth

Notice I underlined “when God called them.”  Focus on the word WHEN--
A Time Word!

Now in context, Paul spoke to the Corinthians concerning their state WHEN they became followers of Christ.  If they were married, even to an unbeliever, they should remain married to the unbeliever.  (But if the unbeliever left, they were free.)  If they were slaves when they became Christians, they should remain slaves, knowing that Christian slaves are freed in Christ, and that free Christians are slaves of the Lord.  (Yet if an opportunity for freedom came, they should take that opportunity.)

The point is this:  If God clearly called you to the job you are working, or the place you are living, then you should remain their until the TIME for that call has clearly come to an end, or until a clear opportunity for that time to end is presented to you.  Or, if you became a believer at the present job or location, remain until the TIME comes to leave, until the TIME has clearly come to an end.  Key word:  Clearly.

But what if you were doing a job that is by definition against God’s will? 

Committing crimes in your line of work, so to speak? 

Of course, you should stop. 

Or if you know with absolute certainty you were going against God’s will when you moved to your location or took your present job, and if it is clearly going against God’s will to remain where you are?  The same applies. 

God will direct your leaving, but leave you must, and now!

Beyond these obvious situations of sin and rebellion, “time will tell!” 

Use time to tell God’s will.

Remember that there is a time, a beginning and end, for every purpose under heaven.

Click here to read part 3...

Know God's Purpose TODAY! (Part 4)

I anticipate an objection, this objection:

“Olatunde, you assume time is linear.  What if it is cyclical?  What if our focus shouldn’t be on beginnings and endings, but on repeating patterns?”

I see no real issue or difference in the discovery of God’s purpose in connection to time.

In fact, in the first and second blogs, I assume a repeating pattern or cycle throughout our lives, repeated beginnings and endings.

Some assume that “Westerners” are time slaves, while “Easterners” just “go with the flow.”  Of course, some Easterners and Westerners may be like this.  But Easterners understand beginnings and endings, while westerners also understand going with the flow.

I personally view time as a gift from God, slices of eternity if you will.  Time can be a friend and servant.  I can get “lost in time,” so that time becomes timeless.  I’m sure you’ve experienced this.  Yet I also realize there must be limits in time usage. 

But here is the thing for me:  I experience time by the clock, AND by the FEELING of the moment.  Like if I’m in deep intimate conversation.  The connection in one sense stops time, and in another redefines time. 

Time comes to mean the beginning and ending of an intimate connection.  Sometimes this coincides with the clock.  Sometimes it doesn’t. 

Clocks are instruments, not time itself.

Both the clock and the feel, both linear and circular perspectives of time, reveal God’s purpose. 

In this way, time is God’s gift to us. 

Know God's purpose TODAY

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. 
Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV

Use time to know God’s purpose today.  Beginnings and endings.  Starts and finishes.

If you are seeking God’s will as far as where to live, for example, use the normal boundaries of time to determine God’s will.  Use the end of your lease, and whether you can renew your lease.  Use the beginning or ending of a lease in a new area you are considering.  Consider the end of peace where you are and the beginning of peace in contemplating a new location.

Time determines the beginning and ending of purposes.

Begin to interpret the “signs of the times.”

What if you seek to know God’s bigger purpose, His ultimate purpose for your life? 

Do the same thing. 

Start from the beginning of your life, and observe the pattern of beginnings and endings you experienced throughout life.  What consistent themes do you find?  What persistent purposes are you fulfilling in the lives of others.

One thing can encourage you: 
The very fact that your life began at all shows that your very existence, in and of itself, serves a divine purpose! 

We all know this when we experience new born babies.  What goals are they accomplishing?  What goals CAN they accomplish? 

Exactly! 

Their cute little existences ALONE bring joy and peace to parents!

You began.

You will end.

You have a purpose.

Use time to sense God’s purposes, the clear beginnings and endings you find in life. 

Accuracy

All you need to say is simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. 

Very truly I tell you, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. 

For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world—to bear witness to the truth. ----Jesus

He testifies to what he has seen and heard, but no one accepts his testimony.  John the Baptist.

That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. 

John the Apostle

I want to be accurate.  To never be mistaken in what I say or convey. 

This morning I misheard someone, and thus misspoke.  I repent. 

Hear accurately.  Test accuracy through feedback.

Yes.

No.

I don’t know.

See.

Hear.

Directly experience.

Say only what I see, hear, and directly experience.

This greatly reduces words, written or spoken.

Is this possible?  Why or why not?

Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

James, brother of Jesus.

Do you believe the DEVIL exists? (Part 2)

Maybe we DON'T really believe we have an enemy, a real spiritual and personal enemy!  If we did, it would change how we view our lives.

Apply these assumptions to a human war:

· "We don't need to look for our enemy behind every rock."

· "We don't need to focus on our enemy.  After all, through democracy, we already have the victory!"

· "We'll deal with our enemy IF WE ENCOUNTER HIM."

· "We should RULE OUT every other possibility for this landmine being here before we ASSUME it was put here BY OUR ENEMY."

Perhaps human warfare is too far removed from us as Americans.  Perhaps when Peter warns believers to be sober minded and alert because of our adversary “prowling like a roaring lion, seeking to devour,” this too is far removed.  We don’t encounter lions at all…except at the zoo!  So we don’t know the very real alertness necessary to avoid being their prey.  And we live in relative peace in America, as far as war goes.

But we are aware of terrorism!

We do know what a terrorist is!

Terrorism: 1. The use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes. 2. The state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.

Terrorist:  a person who terrorizes or frightens others.  Dictionary.com

Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.  Hebrews 2:14-15 NIV

The devil is the ultimate terrorist!

Now what do we do as Americans, indeed what are we doing RIGHT NOW, when there is a threat of terrorism?  We put ourselves on high alert!  Code red!  Because we believe there is a real enemy, perhaps behind A ROCK if one is big enough to hide him!! We believe he is on the prowl and seeks to attack when and where WE LEAST EXPECT!  So we, like Peter said, must be SOBER MINDED AND ALERT!

Since this is the case for a human enemy, one who is visible and tangible, one with a nature and mind like ours, how much more is it the case for an invisible spiritual enemy, thousands of years older than us, much more powerful than us?

Do you believe the DEVIL exists? (Part 1)

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."  1 Peter 5:8-9 NIV

Some movies glorify the devil and the presence of evil. 
These seem very real.
But God is nonexistent. 

Some movies go in the opposite direction with the enemy.  They rarely, if ever, show his schemes in the lives of the characters; they don't want to "see a demon behind every rock."  Naturally explained problems are considered the norm, while spiritual problems are barely acknowledged. 

In an exorcism book I read, for example, psychologists, law enforcement, and medical professionals were consulted to make sure they could rule out the scientifically explainable.

Here is my issue.

I believe the Lord Jesus was, is, and will forever be the ultimate psychologist, law enforcer, and healer.  Yet I don't see him teaching His disciples to "rule all of this out" before casting out demons.  He very much assumed the presence of the evil one attacking people on earth.  The Bible says "The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work."

Now am I saying "other factors" shouldn't be "considered?" 
It depends.

I don't assume that the role of skeptic is an automatically trustworthy position.
I don't assume scientific authority is inherently trustworthy.
I believe these assumptions glorify human reasoning.  
They negate spiritual origins and solutions. 
They subtly assume that spiritual reality is an abnormality. 
Rarely experienced. 
Considered only as a last resort.
They assume a certain level of rationality.
But how rational is it to ignore the spiritual when our lives are built on the spiritual? 

As it is written in the scriptures:
By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible

"The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

We should START from the spiritual origin of problems!  We should BEGIN by ruling demons out!  If the problem really is demonic, why give an enemy more time to torment?  Wouldn't it be better to briefly delay solving a natural problem if a personal spiritual evil is involved?  We know the natural problems aren't personally out to get the ones afflicted!

THE EMAIL I SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT

I wrote it.  I said exactly what I felt.  I can’t think of a “subject” because no phrase captures the email.  Spell checked.  Ready to “send.”  The moment.

Send or not send.

Sent message or draft.

Leave things as they are.  My words will be a draft.

Or change the course of our relationship with my email, one way or another.

The cursor is on “send.”  But I haven’t put the address in. 

(Maybe this is a sign.)

No. 

I enter the email address.

I send it.

Here is where the father of lies comes to me.

If you send it, he will not respond!  Never!! Ever!!!  Forever you will not know what he thought of your email!!!!

She’ll read it and laugh!  She’ll think you’re too sensitive.  Weak.  You write too much!  You ALWAYS write too much!

Or she’ll respond to your 800 word email in two letters:  “O.K?”  You’ll hear the tone in which people say, “OK,” like they are wondering “Where did all THAT come from?”  They used the “You sound ridiculous” tone in those two letters.

Or, he’ll write words so painfully disconnected to your heart that you will regret you ever met him.

She’ll be so callous to your emotions that you’d wish you were never born.

These are the words of Satan, the master of condemnation and accusation.

But these are the words of the Spirit of Truth who is Truth, who guides you into all truth:

Your words were good and true and real.  It took real strength to be that vulnerable.  Now that you’ve sent it, wait and understand the truth:  You simply haven’t received a response.  You don’t know what the response will be.  Distance breeds deception.  Don’t be deceived.  If she hasn’t responded, it may be because she simply hasn’t checked her email yet.  And if he did, he may be so moved by what you wrote that he is waiting for the perfect time to honor your email.  (True, he could let you know he received it, but you know how he is.)

It is possible he may not respond, or respond insensitively.  If he does, you won't die.  You may cry, but you won't die.  But consider this possibility:  she could completely understand  you and affirm you.  He may give you what you gave him.  Either way, whatever happens, I love you.

Listening Sincerely

“The great enemy of clear language is insincerity.”  George Orwell

When I first read it, I thought this quote focused on speakers (and writers.)  But speaking assumes listening.  No matter how clearly I speak, if the listener is insincere, the language will be unclear.  Yet it will be based on a decision of the listener, and not the fault of the speaker.

People hear what they want to hear.  The speaker cannot go beyond the barrier of will.  To listen sincerely, I must want to hear what is said, and to understand from the speaker’s perspective.  This is harder than speaking with clarity for this reason:  If I want to express myself, all I have to do is “let it all out.”  Just say exactly what’s on my mind.  Yet it is all coming from my head and my heart.  But the listener has to decide if he wants to get out his own head.  She must choose to hear with the speaker’s ears.

Communication then rests on the sincerity of the listener. 

If the speaker chooses a willing listener, a sincere hearer, then he can guarantee true communication:  The exact message she sends is the exact message he receives.