It was summer time, so the sun was still out, though going down. Jesus sat across from me at a picnic table.
I looked down at the table, avoiding eye contact, foolishly hoping the red in my face went unnoticed by Him. He sat quietly. His presence, His silence took, the red out of my face, and brought my eyes to His. Then it all came out.
“Sometimes I
don’t know if I really love you or my husband.”
“Why don’t
you know?”
“I don’t
know, it’s just that I sometimes imagine being with my first boyfriend. I imagine what it would be like if we were
married, and my feelings are so strong when I imagine us together. I was very connected to him, emotionally and
physically, as you know of course. He
was my first true love, the first man I gave my body to.”
“Do you
regret marrying Samuel?”
“I don’t
know. My feelings are so strong when I
imagine Mark that I don’t know if I think Samuel is the best man I could ever
be with. But there’s something else I’m
feeling.”
“What else?”
“Sometimes I
think I have stronger feelings for Mark than I do you. When I’m with you, it doesn’t feel as intense
as when I imagine Mark.”
“Think about
this. Imagine that your thoughts and
feelings for Mark are completely and utterly real. That if you were with Mark, it would be
exactly as you imagined, even better.
Would you leave Samuel to be with Mark?”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“Why wouldn’t
you?”
“I do love
Samuel. He is a wonderful husband. He’s
my bestfriend.”
“What about
Me? Would you leave Me for Mark?”
“Never. I love you more than anything and anyone in
this world or any world.”
“Then what do
you make of these intense feelings for Mark?”
“I don’t know
Lord. You do….please tell me what they
mean, if they mean anything.”
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