To the parents of the 20 children now in heaven

I feel the awkwardness of not wanting to assume too much or too little. 

On one hand, I don't want to ignore your feelings, on the other, I don't want to act as if I know exactly what you feel. To hypothetically lose my children is a far cry from losing them.

I don't want to take up too much of your time, nor do I want to give you no time at all. 

I try to understand how to enjoy my children in this Christmas season, when this will most likely be the bleakest time of your life, because it is Christmas. 

Many treat your pain like tragic entertainment.  Or as a means to the end of making money.  For this I am sorry.

If just one of you read this, know that someone is thinking about you and praying for you.  Not in a cliche or thoughtless way.  But in such a way as to not want to enjoy my children without remembering yours. 

Some may say things like, "Your children would want you to be happy and enjoy Christmas."  This very well may be true.  But 10 days from now will only increase the sense of loss.  I want to remember you each day until then, in the New Year, and beyond. 

Christmas without a loved one, and a New Year missing precious children seems too traumatic to endure...but you are the ones enduring it, not me, no matter how sad I may be.  My children do not know how to mourn yet, so in a sense I can't be unhappy before them. 

I believe that is the hardest part of what I feel:  how to give joy and receive joy from my children, yet honor yours in a real and meaningful way.

The best I can do is tell you that I am thinking and feeling all of these things for you.  I pray it will somehow be enough to comfort you, even if only for the amount of time it takes to read this blog. 

Thank you for your time.
Olatunde