THE EMAIL I SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT

I wrote it.  I said exactly what I felt.  I can’t think of a “subject” because no phrase captures the email.  Spell checked.  Ready to “send.”  The moment.

Send or not send.

Sent message or draft.

Leave things as they are.  My words will be a draft.

Or change the course of our relationship with my email, one way or another.

The cursor is on “send.”  But I haven’t put the address in. 

(Maybe this is a sign.)

No. 

I enter the email address.

I send it.

Here is where the father of lies comes to me.

If you send it, he will not respond!  Never!! Ever!!!  Forever you will not know what he thought of your email!!!!

She’ll read it and laugh!  She’ll think you’re too sensitive.  Weak.  You write too much!  You ALWAYS write too much!

Or she’ll respond to your 800 word email in two letters:  “O.K?”  You’ll hear the tone in which people say, “OK,” like they are wondering “Where did all THAT come from?”  They used the “You sound ridiculous” tone in those two letters.

Or, he’ll write words so painfully disconnected to your heart that you will regret you ever met him.

She’ll be so callous to your emotions that you’d wish you were never born.

These are the words of Satan, the master of condemnation and accusation.

But these are the words of the Spirit of Truth who is Truth, who guides you into all truth:

Your words were good and true and real.  It took real strength to be that vulnerable.  Now that you’ve sent it, wait and understand the truth:  You simply haven’t received a response.  You don’t know what the response will be.  Distance breeds deception.  Don’t be deceived.  If she hasn’t responded, it may be because she simply hasn’t checked her email yet.  And if he did, he may be so moved by what you wrote that he is waiting for the perfect time to honor your email.  (True, he could let you know he received it, but you know how he is.)

It is possible he may not respond, or respond insensitively.  If he does, you won't die.  You may cry, but you won't die.  But consider this possibility:  she could completely understand  you and affirm you.  He may give you what you gave him.  Either way, whatever happens, I love you.